Impressed

February 29, 2024

My first job after college was an internship at Northeastern University Press in Boston. I had a wonderful mentor there, one of the directors, named Jill Bahcall. One day, Jill paid me an elaborate compliment about some editing I had done for a soon-to-be-released scholarly book.

"Oh, that," I replied, "It's no big deal, really."

"No," she said emphatically. "Don't ever say that again when someone pays you a compliment. It's disrespectful: It communicates that you think they're wrong, that their judgment is unsound. What you do is simple and easy: You look them in the eye, you smile, and you say Thank you."

I was embarrassed. It wasn't easy, not that time, anyway. But Jill was right, even if she was intimidating. I looked her in the eye, and smiled, and said Thank you.

These are two simple but great things to teach kids: 1) Look people in the eye, and 2) When someone appreciates your work, serve them your appreciation right back. I don't know which lesson was harder to learn, but both have served me well as an adult. I wish I could have learned it all at 12, but 22 was way better than at 32 or 42.

And of course, you can never go wrong by expressing gratitude, even decades later. So if anyone out there knows Jill, the next time you see her, please smile, look her in the eye, and give her my thanks.

—Deb