They're Listening

February 15, 2024

Every kid loves a baby story. I'm a storyteller, so I started telling my kids their baby stories when they were still practically babies themselves. Here is one:

The winter my daughter Ella was 1, she caught a cold that lasted, with only short periods of relief, until she was almost 2. And wow, did it affect her mood: My sunny baby was gone, and in her place was this ever-whiny toddler. The clouds around Ella were so constant that one day I found myself labeling her in my head as "the crabby one." But then I realized that if I had a perpetually runny nose and didn't know how to manage it, I'd be irritable, too. So I knew I had to reframe how I was seeing her, or else potentially cause the very thing I wanted to avoid.

I told Ella this story, and others like it, starting when she was about 4 or 5: stories that give kids a peek into their babyhood selves and also into how parents make decisions. "Here's what you did, so here's what we did."

Ella—all grown up now although she'll always be my baby—is going through some frustrations, and last week she sent me this text:

You know how you always say even though I was crabby when I was sick as a baby, you didn't treat me like a crabby person because that would just make me one? I've got to remember now that I'm not an angry person with a short fuse. Once this is all done, I'll go back to my normal, even-tempered self.

They're listening, even when they seem not to be. I promise.

—Deb