Success Shortcut

February 17, 2022

I recently spent two days trying to learn a new computer program for my business. I messed with instruction videos and help documents for many hours before admitting defeat. It was discouraging, because I knew that lots of people know how to use this program, and I just wasn't getting it. Then I saw my daughter sitting with my husband getting help with her homework, which jolted me into realizing: What I need is a tutor! So I went on UpWork.com, which connected me with Jessica, a Wisconsin mom who is an expert in the program I was struggling to learn. It only took an hour of working with Jessica online to get me past my block, and I'll pay her to hold my hand each week until I'm sure I know what I'm doing.

One of the most important things I've learned as an adult, especially as an entrepreneur, is that there is never any shame in not knowing something, or in asking for help. In fact, I think that being able to seek help calmly and sensibly when you need it is probably more integral to lifelong success than being able to think fast. However, this is not obvious, especially to kids but also to adults, given how good it feels to accomplish something all on our own. The dark side of that (justified) pride is that when we fail to grasp something quickly, the shame about our struggle can get in the way.

So it can be a challenge, as parents, to juggle these conflicting impulses: encouraging kids to persist versus acknowledging without shame when it's wise to ask for assistance. It's the middle of February, which is often the time in the school year when academic struggles arrive at the make-or-break point. So if you notice your child struggling with a subject, connect her with the resources she needs, cheerfully, without fuss. Our list of Tutors and Tutoring Centers is a good starting point, but there are also many informal options, like relatives or older siblings of friends. The schools themselves can often help as well.

Some say the tougher the path to knowledge, the sweeter the success. Maybe that's true. But it's also true that the shorter and more obstacle-free the path, the FASTER the success. You don't always want to make the path shorter for your kids, but sometimes you do. So help your kids find their own Jessica, who can shortcut them with the lift they need just when they need it most. She'll help shove Shame out of the road, too.

—Deb