Spiderglass Attitude

July 25, 2024

My lifelong friend Anne has what I call a "spiderglass attitude" toward parenting.

Anne realized a long time ago that there are two types of mothers: The kind who freaks out at the sudden emergence of a suspiciously-baseball-shaped hole in her bathroom window, and the kind who uses the occasion to explain real-life physics in action. Anne chose Door Number Two, and it's a good thing, because she married a former college ball player and they now have teenage boys who are sports lovers themselves. But they have a small yard, and it takes a lot of practice to learn to play baseball well, so their house often bears witness to Anne's choice and the boys' determination.

Raising kids successfully to adulthood can be an inconvenient business. If you let kids mess around in the backyard on their own—or, frankly, if you let them do most of what our article 50 Ways to Love Your Summer advocates—you're taking a risk, and, equally important, you're teaching your kids that reasonable risks are integral to growing up. A spiderglass attitude grasps that stuff is sure to end up messy, missing, or broken... whether it's a pair of pants, or eyeglasses, or a window... or an arm. In fact, it actually DID happen to Anne's son Duncan, who is impatiently awaiting the green light from the doctor to play again.

So, yes, letting kids mess around without an adult hovering means you're probably going to spend a few evenings in the urgent care center. But alongside the inconvenience of fixing what's been broken, you're going to discover the magic of seeing what's been built. This summer, it might be a fort, a fairy house, or a slip-and-slide. And what else are kids building along the way? Competence, confidence, and independence. So which scenario poses the real risk? Inside under your watchful eyes and the spell of the screen, or outside wrestling a little with real life?

Whatever choice you make this summer, I wish you intact windows and arms alongside your tales of adventure. 

—Deb