The Kay Moment

March 17, 2022

There's a scene in The Godfather Part 1 that I can't watch without shouting at the screen. No, it's not the one with the horse head; it's the scene my family calls The Kay Moment. I find it almost unbearable.

In it, we see that gentle Kay Adams (Diane Keaton) has made a life without her former boyfriend, Michael Corleone (Al Pacino) after he got married in Italy. Kay has become a schoolteacher and seems serene and content. But now Michael is back in New York, and he wants Kay back in his life. He approaches her on the street when she's out with her students. Kay knows the Corleone family is in the mob, although she believes—or wants to believe—Michael when he says, "That's my family, Kay, that's not me." There's a long silent pause as Kay considers what to do. And every time, I can't help but shout at the screen, "Don't do it, Kay! It's not too late!" If Kay would only listen to me, the movie would end with her saying thanks but no thanks, buddy as a triumph for common sense. But then Parts 2 and 3 wouldn't have been nearly as interesting.

Everyone who has kids experiences Kay Moments, those tiny slices of time just before the point of no return, when we see them about to make a mistake and we have to decide whether to let them. We're pulled by competing impulses: We want them to make wise choices always, but we can't do their thinking for them, and we know the experience of making mistakes and fixing them is a far better teacher than if they were just obediently to do what we tell them. Of course we must intervene when the consequences of a bad decision could be catastrophic, but it is nevertheless tempting to lunge between our kids and any type of hardship, no matter how small. Navigating this balance is one of the toughest parts of being a parent.

This month marks the 50th anniversary of the release of The Godfather, and I think its longevity is largely due to its being packed with scenes like this one, portraying nuances of the human experience that transcend differences in era and culture. We've all watched someone hurtle toward disaster by averting their eyes from facts they don't want to see. I know that Kay's mistake is crucial to the plot and message of The Godfather, and that letting our kids make their own mistakes is crucial to them becoming confident, capable adults. Nevertheless, if Kay's mom had appeared out of nowhere and shouted, "Don't do it, Kay! It's not too late!" I wouldn't have stood in her way.

—Deb