Discomfort Zone

March 3, 2022

The first time I can remember having to take a public stand on anything was in eighth grade English: We were to write an essay taking a side on a controversial topic, and then make the argument to the class. As he handed back our papers, Mr. Schmidt announced that we wouldn't be reading our essays to the class, but instead talking through our points, with note cards as a backup. I was terrified at the idea of being so vulnerable, so I went to talk to him after school.

"This makes me really uncomfortable," I confessed, hoping to twang his heartstrings and secure a get-out-of-jail-free card. Mr. Schmidt looked at me over his glasses. "That's the whole point," he said. "To get stuff done, you have to get comfortable being uncomfortable. Don't worry, you'll live."

I wasn't happy about this, but Mr. Schmidt was right, I didn't actually die from the stress. And the experience taught me that rather than let discomfort be a roadblock to accomplishment, I should push it into my peripheral vision and get on with the journey. As time went on, public speaking became a pleasure for me rather than a problem, as did other things like driving a car, programming software, and becoming an entrepreneur with a team to manage.

My kids benefited from Mr. Schmidt's wisdom, too: Long car rides in the back seat proved they could entertain themselves just by using their own brains. Soccer classes taught them the difference between physical discomfort and injury. Drama classes taught them that even if they disliked the all-eyes-on-them experience, they could still summon the courage to sing solo. During a weeklong Field Camp in Virginia when she was 6, Madison learned that you can have plenty of fun even if you're muddy and cold, and she never minded it after that. This is partly why we at KidsOutAndAbout are such fans of summer camps: These not-entirely-risk-free experiences provide endless opportunities for kids to prove to themselves that they can do this new thing, whatever it is.

Getting comfortable being uncomfortable also helped teach Madison and Ella that they can do just fine even when Mom is not nearby... which, after all, is the whole point of growing up. They're getting ready to leave the nest soon, and they're looking forward to it. That means these days, the discomfort is all on my end. I'm sure I'll manage it fine, though: After all, Mr. Schmidt started me practicing for times like these when I was 13. "Don't worry, you'll live" is echoing in my ears.

—Deb